Adventures in Grocery Checking: You Did WHAT?

The thought processes behind these actions elude me...

1. Pulling one 20oz. soda out of a 6-pack and then wondering why a)it costs as much as a 6 pack [not for individual sale. it's written right on there. c'mon] and b)i'm looking at you like you're stupid.

2. Leaving a warm, filled baby's diaper ON THE SHELF right next to the bread. You don't want your baby's shit, neither do we.

3. Paying for your order in nothing but pennies. I have better things to do.

4. Going to the bathroom in FRONT of the toilet instead of inside it.

5. Deciding I should get fired for not remembering to ask for your wife's 30 cent coupon.

6. Taking 45 seconds to sign a credit card slip (yes, I timed her).

7. Eating a banana while shopping and then saying "Ehn...just charge me for the peel."

8. Having me spend 20 minutes helping you find an ingredient you can neither name nor describe. ("Well, what's it taste like?" "Um...it's...it's really GOOD." "Right, but is it sweet? Salty? Spicy? Creamy?" "It's really GOOD..." "Yeahhhh...")

9. Being from a distant part of the state and requesting that we start carrying the water from the spring outside your home town.

10. Finishing your order, getting out to your car, then walking all the way back in to tell me how your foot got infected a year ago. (Not making this up. This same woman uses folded newspaper shoved between her face and her glasses as dressing for an infected eye. She also hands out candy to the baggers, and won't leave until they take it.)

11. Bringing a lapdog in with you, and being confused when I say they're not allowed in a grocery store.

12. Requesting our softest office chair so that you can be more comfortable while sitting and waiting for your friend to finish her shopping.

13. Answering my "How are you?" with "Horrible. I have cancer and I'll be dead in six months." Awkwaaaaaard... (This is why I no longer ask that question, even though I'm supposed to.)

14. Snapping the stems off the regular cheap broccoli, leaving them by the other broccoli, and being upset for being charged for broccoli crowns, which lack the stems and are more expensive.

15. Bringing your daughter into the grocery store for medical advice on her severely infected thumb. Take her to the goddamn doctor, not the grocery store. SERIOUSLY. You're a horrible parent.

16. One summer the packages that our blueberries came in kept popping open, sending hundreds of blueberries rolling around the floor/belts at least once an hour for like a week. It sucked. One lady's blueberries all escaped in my lane, and I told her to leave them and not step on any. She listened (thank you!). However, the old people behind her didn't. I told them specifically to stay where they were, and not to step on any blueberries (they're easy to clean up when they're not smashed all over the place). So what do they do? They roll their cart through all the blueberries, then take baby steps through, turning a minor accident into a big mess. ULGH.