I had the following conversation with my printer this morning:
Me: Print my limnology assignment, will you please? I'm going to be late.
Printer: *sigh*
Me: What? What's the problem? I asked you to print two double spaced pages. I know it's early but I need you to do this for me.
Printer: I'm sick of this.
Me: Me too. Now print.
Printer: No, I mean I'm tired of being a printer.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Printer: I don't want to be a printer anymore.
Me: Can't we deal with this later? I have to be at the bus stop in 3 minutes.
Printer: I said I don't want to.
Me: Look, you're not just a printer. You're a copier and a scanner, too, but right now I need you to print this assignment!
Printer: You don't care. Just for that, I'm taking this sheet of paper. *sucks in paper, doesn't spit it out the other end*
Me: Oh no you don't, you can NOT jam up right now. *yanks sheet out*
Printer: OW! YOU'RE HURTING ME! ERROR!
Me: I don't need this right now. I stayed up all night doing this assignment, you WILL print it for me.
Printer: *flashes Error signal*
Me: This is unreal...
Printer: *flashes Error signal*
Me: Fine. We'll talk. What WOULD you like to be, if you don't want to be a printer anymore?
Printer: Give me another sheet of paper and I'll show you what I had in mind.
Me: *inserts paper* Print.
Printer: *sucks paper in, spits it out crinkled all over and torn in several places, without a speck of ink on it* Pretty good, huh?!
Me: What in the hell are you trying to do?
Printer: I want to be a paper shredder.
Me: ...Lovely. Next time I want to turn a perfectly nice piece of paper into trash, you'll be the first one I come to. Now will you please print my assignment?
Printer: I'M NOT A PRINTER ANYMORE. I JUST TOLD YOU.
Me: Look, you're a printer/copier/scanner. It says so right on your face, see? I thought we were done with this kind of monkey business after that "I'll pretend I'm a fax machine" incident my freshman year.
Printer: You had to bring that up, didn't you?
Me: Great, I just missed my bus.
Printer: I was confused back then! You brought me to a new city! The dorm scared me. What was I supposed to do?! Everyone experiments in college.
Me: You know I am THIS close to throwing you off the balcony.
Printer: *flashes Error signal*
Me: ....
Printer: *flashes Error signal*
Me: *sigh* Look, I'm sorry. I'm not going to throw you off the balcony, ok?
Printer: *spits out a crushed and torn piece of blank paper*
Me: Ok that's 3 sheets you've ruined now and I still am not seeing my limnology assignment.
Printer: If you hate me so badly, why don't you just replace me, huh?!
Me: Because you were free and I'm a cheap bastard, that's why.
Printer: ...I wish I'd never been in that raffle...
Me: You and me both, doll. Are you going to print this thing or not?
Printer: I'M.....A.....SHREDDER!
Me: Oh for Christ's sake. I'm leaving. If I lose points for this thing being late I'm going to take a baseball bat to those pretty little ink cartridges of yours.
Printer: Don't you threaten me, I'll shred you to bits!
Me: I'm going to class. We'll talk about this later. Thanks for nothing.
Printer: *spits out another crinkled torn piece of blank paper*
28 November 2006
27 November 2006
The Importance of Being Earnest
Historically, I have been one to keep my feelings to myself, only allowing people to see the happier side of myself. I functioned rather well this way for quite some time, as I'm sure that many people do. I never told anyone when I didn't like what they were doing or how I was feeling because I was afraid that one of two things (or both I suppose) would happen. First, that they would simply not care and my thoughts would fall on deaf ears. I absolutely hate telling someone how I feel or what I'm thinking and they just could not care any less about it. Second, that they would see my being upset as an opportunity to purposely get under my skin and have a good laugh at my being angry. It's happened more than once, and not just by people who I'm not related to. My dad did this a LOT when I was growing up and will still do it every once in a while.
But recently I realized that I wasn't only hiding sadness or anger, I had also grown uncomfortable with expressing such things as appreciation and thankfulness and even love, neglecting to tell the people who are important to me that they were, indeed, important to me. I hadn't been both serious and happy, even when it was appropriate. I consider this a travesty.
It's been a couple months since I realized this and since then have made an effort to let people know how I'm feeling, when I'm feeling it, especially when it involves them.
For example, I tell one of my closest friends the moment she makes me angry or does or says anything that I don't like. She does the same thing and because of this we have managed to avoid probably countless rounds of the silent treatment (though we're both above that, I'm sure) or being privately upset and not having anything done about it. For this reason, among many others, I value that relationship very highly.
Another example that I'm very glad to have is an exchange between my mother and I this past Thanksgiving weekend. She treated me to a massive load of groceries that I very well could have afforded on my own, and I didn't expect her to pay for the entire thing. I'd asked for help paying for them before we even got to the store (which is something that is VERY difficult for me) but she ended up paying for all of it, and I know that it wasn't easy for her. I'm almost positive that I was the one who was more able to pay for them than her. So I made sure to let her know, in plain English, in a serious tone, that I appreciated what she had done for me. Of course I said "Thank you" (twice, actually) but I made a point to say "Thank you for doing this. I really appreciate it." She told me "You're welcome, and I know you do."
I cannot describe how good that felt to not only make sure that I had gotten to say that, but to then be told that even without my saying it that it had been understood. It was one of those things that I would have regretted not saying and I know that even though the polite response to it was to brush the whole thing off as no big deal and yeah I know you appreciate it, but I can guarantee that it meant more than I can say to my mother to have heard me say it exactly as I had.
I don't know which is more difficult for me. Telling people when I'm unhappy or telling them something positive but serious. Both are scary and when the other person doesn't respond the way I'd expect or like them to I tend to see it as an "I don't care about what you just told me" response, which I'm sure isn't true all the time. Ah, well. That's an area for growth I suppose.
Another thing that's hard about this is that not everyone around me is doing the same thing. Dealing with people who are perfectly happy not to say these types of things can create awkward moments and that really sucks. Also, when I have something I'd like to say to someone but I know (or believe) that they wouldn't care or would react badly I get really frustrated and dwell on it, because now it has turned into somewhat of a priority for me to be able to do this when I feel I should. I'm not planning on turning into someone who hugs people every time I see them, or ruining a perfectly normal visit with someone by presenting a very awkward "I love you" but there are times when how I feel is important and I intend on letting those times be known.
One thing I'm dreading about the outcome here is that it may show me that some people who I consider myself to be close with may not be as interested as I'd like about how I'm feeling, be it good or badly. But when it comes down to it, here's what I think:
How my friends are feeling and what they have to say is important to me. If they're upset with me, I want to know about it ASAP so that we can deal with it like adults. If they're happy about something I want to hear all about it and share that with them. I want them to know I don't take them for granted and I want to know that they don't take me for granted. That's how I treat the people close to me. If someone, however, makes it clear to me that what I'm thinking or feeling as a result of being with them isn't something they're concerned with then I think it's obvious that there would be a problem there.
Doing something new like this is never easy, and it's probably a sign that I'm growing up a little more. It's getting easier, though, and unless something really awful happens as a result of this whole experiment, I think it's going to do good things for me.
But recently I realized that I wasn't only hiding sadness or anger, I had also grown uncomfortable with expressing such things as appreciation and thankfulness and even love, neglecting to tell the people who are important to me that they were, indeed, important to me. I hadn't been both serious and happy, even when it was appropriate. I consider this a travesty.
It's been a couple months since I realized this and since then have made an effort to let people know how I'm feeling, when I'm feeling it, especially when it involves them.
For example, I tell one of my closest friends the moment she makes me angry or does or says anything that I don't like. She does the same thing and because of this we have managed to avoid probably countless rounds of the silent treatment (though we're both above that, I'm sure) or being privately upset and not having anything done about it. For this reason, among many others, I value that relationship very highly.
Another example that I'm very glad to have is an exchange between my mother and I this past Thanksgiving weekend. She treated me to a massive load of groceries that I very well could have afforded on my own, and I didn't expect her to pay for the entire thing. I'd asked for help paying for them before we even got to the store (which is something that is VERY difficult for me) but she ended up paying for all of it, and I know that it wasn't easy for her. I'm almost positive that I was the one who was more able to pay for them than her. So I made sure to let her know, in plain English, in a serious tone, that I appreciated what she had done for me. Of course I said "Thank you" (twice, actually) but I made a point to say "Thank you for doing this. I really appreciate it." She told me "You're welcome, and I know you do."
I cannot describe how good that felt to not only make sure that I had gotten to say that, but to then be told that even without my saying it that it had been understood. It was one of those things that I would have regretted not saying and I know that even though the polite response to it was to brush the whole thing off as no big deal and yeah I know you appreciate it, but I can guarantee that it meant more than I can say to my mother to have heard me say it exactly as I had.
I don't know which is more difficult for me. Telling people when I'm unhappy or telling them something positive but serious. Both are scary and when the other person doesn't respond the way I'd expect or like them to I tend to see it as an "I don't care about what you just told me" response, which I'm sure isn't true all the time. Ah, well. That's an area for growth I suppose.
Another thing that's hard about this is that not everyone around me is doing the same thing. Dealing with people who are perfectly happy not to say these types of things can create awkward moments and that really sucks. Also, when I have something I'd like to say to someone but I know (or believe) that they wouldn't care or would react badly I get really frustrated and dwell on it, because now it has turned into somewhat of a priority for me to be able to do this when I feel I should. I'm not planning on turning into someone who hugs people every time I see them, or ruining a perfectly normal visit with someone by presenting a very awkward "I love you" but there are times when how I feel is important and I intend on letting those times be known.
One thing I'm dreading about the outcome here is that it may show me that some people who I consider myself to be close with may not be as interested as I'd like about how I'm feeling, be it good or badly. But when it comes down to it, here's what I think:
How my friends are feeling and what they have to say is important to me. If they're upset with me, I want to know about it ASAP so that we can deal with it like adults. If they're happy about something I want to hear all about it and share that with them. I want them to know I don't take them for granted and I want to know that they don't take me for granted. That's how I treat the people close to me. If someone, however, makes it clear to me that what I'm thinking or feeling as a result of being with them isn't something they're concerned with then I think it's obvious that there would be a problem there.
Doing something new like this is never easy, and it's probably a sign that I'm growing up a little more. It's getting easier, though, and unless something really awful happens as a result of this whole experiment, I think it's going to do good things for me.
16 November 2006
Wild Rice Soup Disaster
A couple summers ago my dad wanted to take a self-guided camping tour around northern Wisconsin so that he could see Wisconsin's waterfalls, apparently something he had wanted to do for about 2o years.
During the trip we stopped in Bayfield, and they grow a lot of wild rice up in that area so I picked up some wild rice soup mix.
When I got home, I decided to make it. So I set a big pot of water to boil, and it doesn't....and doesn't....and doesn't....but it gets hot enough to add the soup mix, so I toss it in. It kept not boiling, so I went downstairs to the basement to check my email, and in the time it took for me to simply log on and run back upstairs to check the soup, it had errupted into a violent boil, with tons of soup having spattered onto the walls and spilling out onto the burner.
So the kitchen was filled with smoke and the soup was getting charred to the stove, and the smoke detector starts screaming. So I open all the windows and doors in the house, get the pot off the burner, and start fanning off the smoke detector with a newspaper to get it to shut up. After several minutes of fanning the thing was still going off, and that's when it struck me that the sound was coming more from the left than from in front of me.
I stood there feeling like an idiot when I realized that I had, for the last couple minutes, been fanning off the doorbell, not the smoke detector.
*sigh*
During the trip we stopped in Bayfield, and they grow a lot of wild rice up in that area so I picked up some wild rice soup mix.
When I got home, I decided to make it. So I set a big pot of water to boil, and it doesn't....and doesn't....and doesn't....but it gets hot enough to add the soup mix, so I toss it in. It kept not boiling, so I went downstairs to the basement to check my email, and in the time it took for me to simply log on and run back upstairs to check the soup, it had errupted into a violent boil, with tons of soup having spattered onto the walls and spilling out onto the burner.
So the kitchen was filled with smoke and the soup was getting charred to the stove, and the smoke detector starts screaming. So I open all the windows and doors in the house, get the pot off the burner, and start fanning off the smoke detector with a newspaper to get it to shut up. After several minutes of fanning the thing was still going off, and that's when it struck me that the sound was coming more from the left than from in front of me.
I stood there feeling like an idiot when I realized that I had, for the last couple minutes, been fanning off the doorbell, not the smoke detector.
*sigh*
Happy Birthday To Us
Every once in a while you find yourself in a situation with so many conincidences that it makes your head spin.
On my 18th birthday, I was working at the grocery store when a grandmother, her daughter, and her grand daughter pulled into the lane behind me. The kid was cute so I turned to smile at her and one of the women called her "Catherine."
Me: Hey, her name is Catherine? Mine too.
Mother: Yep! And she's 2 today!
Me: Weird! It's MY birthday, too! I'm 18 today.
*the two women laugh*
Mother: She was named for her grandmother *gestures towards older woman* because they were born on the same day, so it's her birthday too.
So there we were, 3 Catherines, all born on the same day, together ON our birthday just by chance.
If that don't beat all...
On my 18th birthday, I was working at the grocery store when a grandmother, her daughter, and her grand daughter pulled into the lane behind me. The kid was cute so I turned to smile at her and one of the women called her "Catherine."
Me: Hey, her name is Catherine? Mine too.
Mother: Yep! And she's 2 today!
Me: Weird! It's MY birthday, too! I'm 18 today.
*the two women laugh*
Mother: She was named for her grandmother *gestures towards older woman* because they were born on the same day, so it's her birthday too.
So there we were, 3 Catherines, all born on the same day, together ON our birthday just by chance.
If that don't beat all...
15 November 2006
House Hunting
Highlights of last year's race to find a place to live:
1. One of my roommates demanding that we MUST have a place with a porch. I knew full well that none of us would ever use any of the 3 porches we have access too. And on move-in day i get a call from her asking to switch room assignments because she didn't want the room with the porch anymore. We could have gotten a place way closer if it hadn't been for that demand.
2. Going to view places and promptly wanting to run home crying because we had been to hell and lived to tell the tale.
3. Not signing a lease until February.
4. Being told by one of my roommates that living out in the sticks is actually better than living close to campus. I knew it was bullshit then and know it even better now.
5. Being told by everyone (including myself) that it was a bad idea.
So this house-hunting season, I'm going to try to avoid a repeat of last year.
1. One of my roommates demanding that we MUST have a place with a porch. I knew full well that none of us would ever use any of the 3 porches we have access too. And on move-in day i get a call from her asking to switch room assignments because she didn't want the room with the porch anymore. We could have gotten a place way closer if it hadn't been for that demand.
2. Going to view places and promptly wanting to run home crying because we had been to hell and lived to tell the tale.
3. Not signing a lease until February.
4. Being told by one of my roommates that living out in the sticks is actually better than living close to campus. I knew it was bullshit then and know it even better now.
5. Being told by everyone (including myself) that it was a bad idea.
So this house-hunting season, I'm going to try to avoid a repeat of last year.
06 November 2006
Irrational Fears
1. High Fives
Holy hell, these things tweek me out. Not exactly sure why, but they do. And whenever people find out about this they immediately put a hand up to give me a damn high five. Not funny!
2. Going To The Bathroom In A Public Place
Not going to get into it. Although my friend, Katie, has proven herself to be more than willing to divulge the details surrounding this particular phobia.
3. Snow Blowers
I refuse to learn how to use one of these things. I'll shovel, thank you very much.
4. Squirrels That Won't Run To The Other Side Of The Tree
These fuckers have rabies, for sure. I was walking to school once and one came around to my side of the tree he was in, got right at face level, and started barking at me. It was horrible, and ever since then I've been afraid of the ones that won't run away.
5. When I was little I was afraid of the trash can in the bathroom. I'd had a nightmare that it had come to life and tried to eat me, so for the longest time whenever I'd be in there, I would just stare at the thing to make sure it didn't move, and I'd have to press my back to the opposite wall when I passed it as I was leaving.
Holy hell, these things tweek me out. Not exactly sure why, but they do. And whenever people find out about this they immediately put a hand up to give me a damn high five. Not funny!
2. Going To The Bathroom In A Public Place
Not going to get into it. Although my friend, Katie, has proven herself to be more than willing to divulge the details surrounding this particular phobia.
3. Snow Blowers
I refuse to learn how to use one of these things. I'll shovel, thank you very much.
4. Squirrels That Won't Run To The Other Side Of The Tree
These fuckers have rabies, for sure. I was walking to school once and one came around to my side of the tree he was in, got right at face level, and started barking at me. It was horrible, and ever since then I've been afraid of the ones that won't run away.
5. When I was little I was afraid of the trash can in the bathroom. I'd had a nightmare that it had come to life and tried to eat me, so for the longest time whenever I'd be in there, I would just stare at the thing to make sure it didn't move, and I'd have to press my back to the opposite wall when I passed it as I was leaving.
Sometimes...
When I'm very bored, very contemplative, or very relaxed (or any combination of those), I copy things in my best cursive handwriting. I started doing it in high school when we were reading The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus by Christopher Marlowe. There were several monolouges in there that I really liked, and so I copied them, just on plain old loose leaf paper. It was really relaxing.
I guess I enjoy writing, as in moving a pen across the paper, more than I enjoy coming up with and writing my own stuff sometimes. When I'm looking to relax myself, having to think of something worth writing down gets in the way. It's much easier and more calming to just copy something you like.
When I do this, which isn't very often, 99% of the time I copy from Marlowe. I like the way he uses words, I like the story line, and there's some latin thrown in there every once in a while. Other times I'll list all 50 states.
I've been called weird for doing this but I still like it.
I guess I enjoy writing, as in moving a pen across the paper, more than I enjoy coming up with and writing my own stuff sometimes. When I'm looking to relax myself, having to think of something worth writing down gets in the way. It's much easier and more calming to just copy something you like.
When I do this, which isn't very often, 99% of the time I copy from Marlowe. I like the way he uses words, I like the story line, and there's some latin thrown in there every once in a while. Other times I'll list all 50 states.
I've been called weird for doing this but I still like it.
05 November 2006
A letter to my 12 year old self (1998)
Catherine (age 12):
For Christ's sake, stop doing everything your mother tells you. She's not as smart as you think she is, not by a long shot. Do everything in your power to get her to buy you a violin, too. You definitely deserve one and if you don't get one you'll stop playing and that's gonna suck.
Vet school isn't really the thing for you. Sorry to have to tell you this, but it ain't gonna happen. But I don't think you'd have liked it as much as you think you would have.
Enjoy Saturday morning cartoons while you can. They're going to start sucking really soon.
LIVE A LITTLE. But don't do any of the shit (that's right, you swear when you're older) that Ashley does. That's not your style. And don't go drinking with her at the campsite. You're going to get busted. As in real live police. It'll be all Phil's fault (you haven't met him yet but he's an idiot). Actually, go if you want. Yeah, you'll have to take a dumb class to get it off your record, but it'll make for a pretty ok story and the class will crack you up. Those people are ridiculous. But the important thing to know is that Mom and Dad aren't going to yell at you. They're not going to ground you or anything, can you believe that?!
Join the dive team. First two years will be lame, but the second two are going to rock.
Find someone to go to the Raider hockey games with. I recommend Drew Jensen for starting. She's into that and you'll like her. You are a hockey fan, deep down. You just don't know it yet.
Speaking of which, take up ice skating. Yeah, you REALLY suck at it now, but it won't take you long to get better if you just do it once in a while. I ask this because I suck at it now and if you get working on that soon, it'll save me the trouble later.
After Mom and Dad get divorced (which they will), living arrangements are going to suck royally. But you'll make all the right decisions for yourself in due time. You won't regret a single one.
If you can manage it, take aviation in high school. Having a pilot's license would be SWEET.
Once in college: AVOID THE CRAZY PEOPLE. THEY WILL BRING YOU DOWN. Your instincts will be right for just about everyone you meet. And if anyone does anything uber crazy (which someone will), back away slowly, don't get involved, it's not as important as you think. Also once you're in college, drink. It's OK. You'll like it. And it's a shit ton of fun.
Pole vaulting won't even be a sport available for girls in Wisconsin until 2000, but you'll try it in 2003. Don't bother. You suck at it BADLY, and it won't even be a rewarding experience. Read a book instead or something. Or go ice skating.
Get contact lenses, ya wuss.
Do not listen to Gabe Van Handel. He's full of shit and higher than a kite. Still walk home with him, though. He's fun to talk to.
Keep up with your school work in high school. Don't get distracted.
Finally, there are some very good times ahead of you, so don't worry at all. :)
-Catherine (age 20)
For Christ's sake, stop doing everything your mother tells you. She's not as smart as you think she is, not by a long shot. Do everything in your power to get her to buy you a violin, too. You definitely deserve one and if you don't get one you'll stop playing and that's gonna suck.
Vet school isn't really the thing for you. Sorry to have to tell you this, but it ain't gonna happen. But I don't think you'd have liked it as much as you think you would have.
Enjoy Saturday morning cartoons while you can. They're going to start sucking really soon.
LIVE A LITTLE. But don't do any of the shit (that's right, you swear when you're older) that Ashley does. That's not your style. And don't go drinking with her at the campsite. You're going to get busted. As in real live police. It'll be all Phil's fault (you haven't met him yet but he's an idiot). Actually, go if you want. Yeah, you'll have to take a dumb class to get it off your record, but it'll make for a pretty ok story and the class will crack you up. Those people are ridiculous. But the important thing to know is that Mom and Dad aren't going to yell at you. They're not going to ground you or anything, can you believe that?!
Join the dive team. First two years will be lame, but the second two are going to rock.
Find someone to go to the Raider hockey games with. I recommend Drew Jensen for starting. She's into that and you'll like her. You are a hockey fan, deep down. You just don't know it yet.
Speaking of which, take up ice skating. Yeah, you REALLY suck at it now, but it won't take you long to get better if you just do it once in a while. I ask this because I suck at it now and if you get working on that soon, it'll save me the trouble later.
After Mom and Dad get divorced (which they will), living arrangements are going to suck royally. But you'll make all the right decisions for yourself in due time. You won't regret a single one.
If you can manage it, take aviation in high school. Having a pilot's license would be SWEET.
Once in college: AVOID THE CRAZY PEOPLE. THEY WILL BRING YOU DOWN. Your instincts will be right for just about everyone you meet. And if anyone does anything uber crazy (which someone will), back away slowly, don't get involved, it's not as important as you think. Also once you're in college, drink. It's OK. You'll like it. And it's a shit ton of fun.
Pole vaulting won't even be a sport available for girls in Wisconsin until 2000, but you'll try it in 2003. Don't bother. You suck at it BADLY, and it won't even be a rewarding experience. Read a book instead or something. Or go ice skating.
Get contact lenses, ya wuss.
Do not listen to Gabe Van Handel. He's full of shit and higher than a kite. Still walk home with him, though. He's fun to talk to.
Keep up with your school work in high school. Don't get distracted.
Finally, there are some very good times ahead of you, so don't worry at all. :)
-Catherine (age 20)
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