The gifts on Facebook piss me off. No way am I paying a dollar to give someone a "gift" that isn't even real. Who wants a nickel-sized digital gift they get, look at for two seconds, and go "aww....what a retard she should have just bought me candy."
I largely ignored these idiotic things until just a moment ago, when I clicked the "browse" link out of curiosity over what in the hell people were paying for. It was at that point that I wanted to cock-punch Mark Zuckerberg. They are apparently selling these stupid "gifts" in limited quantities. OH NO! There are ONLY 9,483 tissue boxes with a heart on them left! I better buy one for my BFF before they're sold out!
WTF. Way to create false demand.
And I love how the "proceeds" go to benefit breast cancer (or something). Explain to me how 99 cents of that dollar you spent on that isn't a proceed. No way did they pay someone so many thousands of dollars to design them, and no way does it cost thier processors so much in energy and computer-thinking so as to warrant giving any less than 99% of what they charge to charity.
To this I say bullshit! *spit!*
What else are these dumbasses going to come up with?!
27 March 2007
26 March 2007
WARNING: Questionable Content
This conversation took place over dinner at my future roommate's house. Conversations as strange as this take place all the time when I'm with her (and when I'm not). I enjoy it.
Matt: Why are dildos ok but fake vaginas aren't?
Alex: I think it's a cleaning issue.
Kathleen: They should make bi-sexual dildos.
Me: What?
Alex: YEAH! One that can serve as both a penis AND a vagina!
Matt: How would it work?!
Kathleen: It could be reversible! Like it's a vagina, and then you flip it inside out and it's a penis!
Alex: Plus, if you could flip it inside out it would take care of the cleaning issue of a fake vagina. But how would you make it rigid enough as a penis but flexible enough as a vagina?
Me: Hmm. I'll bet you could rig something up where when you flip it one way, ribs inside it snap into place and you've got a penis but when you flip it the other way they disconnect and you've got a vagina.
Matt: WE SHOULD PATENT THIS! QUICK! IT'D TOTALLY WORK!
Alex: Who's going to make it?
Kathleen: We'll hire a scientist!
Matt: You can't do that!
Me: You can't just go up to a scientist and say "I need a bi-sexual dildo." Besides, why would you need one? Everyone only has one gender, and if you've got a bi-sexual dildo that implies that you're sharing it with someone else. How would you broach that subject. "Hey, so I've got this she-male dildo. Wanna borrow it?" No!
Matt: Yeah that's a little wierd. And if you're both going to use it, why don't you just DO IT?
Me: And wouldn't the end of the vagina dildo, when you flip it inside out, become the tip of the penis? This sounds like a pregnancy risk if you're not careful.
Matt: Hahaha. This is a bad idea after all...
Alex: No it isn't!
Kathleen: It could be a way for lesbian couples to get pregnant!
Me: What? Lend it to the neighbor boy, then flip it inside out and fertilize your partner? I don't think so.
Matt: This was a bad plan.
Alex: These hamburgers are good though...
All: Yeah...
Matt: Why are dildos ok but fake vaginas aren't?
Alex: I think it's a cleaning issue.
Kathleen: They should make bi-sexual dildos.
Me: What?
Alex: YEAH! One that can serve as both a penis AND a vagina!
Matt: How would it work?!
Kathleen: It could be reversible! Like it's a vagina, and then you flip it inside out and it's a penis!
Alex: Plus, if you could flip it inside out it would take care of the cleaning issue of a fake vagina. But how would you make it rigid enough as a penis but flexible enough as a vagina?
Me: Hmm. I'll bet you could rig something up where when you flip it one way, ribs inside it snap into place and you've got a penis but when you flip it the other way they disconnect and you've got a vagina.
Matt: WE SHOULD PATENT THIS! QUICK! IT'D TOTALLY WORK!
Alex: Who's going to make it?
Kathleen: We'll hire a scientist!
Matt: You can't do that!
Me: You can't just go up to a scientist and say "I need a bi-sexual dildo." Besides, why would you need one? Everyone only has one gender, and if you've got a bi-sexual dildo that implies that you're sharing it with someone else. How would you broach that subject. "Hey, so I've got this she-male dildo. Wanna borrow it?" No!
Matt: Yeah that's a little wierd. And if you're both going to use it, why don't you just DO IT?
Me: And wouldn't the end of the vagina dildo, when you flip it inside out, become the tip of the penis? This sounds like a pregnancy risk if you're not careful.
Matt: Hahaha. This is a bad idea after all...
Alex: No it isn't!
Kathleen: It could be a way for lesbian couples to get pregnant!
Me: What? Lend it to the neighbor boy, then flip it inside out and fertilize your partner? I don't think so.
Matt: This was a bad plan.
Alex: These hamburgers are good though...
All: Yeah...
18 March 2007
Blooming Onions
The bag of onions in the kitchen has started growing. I can't blame them. They don't get much use, and if I were an onion I'd want to start growing in spring time, too.
One had such a massive green shoot coming out of it that I've decided to "plant" it. I don't have any soil, so I'm growing it in a cup with water on my desk. I rigged up a support system for it using rubber bands and paper clips (it's WAY cool) because the cup is too wide and the onion would sit in the bottom otherwise, and that's just no fun at all.
Anyway, I put this thing in water little more than 24 hours ago, and it's already showing signs of life (aside from the giant green sprout). It's got more than a dozen roots, one of which is a good 3/4 of an inch long. That's a lot of growth for such a short period of time.
Frankly, I'm amazed. Always am when I see this kind of thing happen. At home in the summer when I plant my vegetable garden I watch in awe as tiny sprouts turn into massive leaves and then into edible vegetables. I plant foods that I don't eat simply because I enjoy watching things grow. I often ponder the universe as I relish in watching the simplest things grow and form and develope in front of me. It blows my mind.
I'm really going to miss not having a real garden to tend to this summer. I liked getting my hands dirty and taking care of my plants. It was worth the sunburn, dirty fingernails, and occasional ninja attack by mutant sized spiders. I was so devoted to my garden that every day (without fail) I would hand pick the little caterpillars that would (also without fail) infest my brocolli plants every year. I didn't feel like using pesticides and I didn't really mind getting covered in dead caterpillar (see, I'd squash them with my fingers instead of just tossing them across the yard). I also liked how this little toad always moved in and lived in my cucumbers every summer. My sister named him Sanchez, and he not only befriended she and I, but the little girl down the street asks about him now and then, too.
I should look into whether there's a community garden space near my house here. I doubt there is.
I'm also going to apply for summer jobs related to gardening. It'd be good for my resume` and I need something to do and it could be a good surrogate for my garden back home. My professor told me that I should look into being in charge of watering the plants around the capitol building. God would I love that.
One had such a massive green shoot coming out of it that I've decided to "plant" it. I don't have any soil, so I'm growing it in a cup with water on my desk. I rigged up a support system for it using rubber bands and paper clips (it's WAY cool) because the cup is too wide and the onion would sit in the bottom otherwise, and that's just no fun at all.
Anyway, I put this thing in water little more than 24 hours ago, and it's already showing signs of life (aside from the giant green sprout). It's got more than a dozen roots, one of which is a good 3/4 of an inch long. That's a lot of growth for such a short period of time.
Frankly, I'm amazed. Always am when I see this kind of thing happen. At home in the summer when I plant my vegetable garden I watch in awe as tiny sprouts turn into massive leaves and then into edible vegetables. I plant foods that I don't eat simply because I enjoy watching things grow. I often ponder the universe as I relish in watching the simplest things grow and form and develope in front of me. It blows my mind.
I'm really going to miss not having a real garden to tend to this summer. I liked getting my hands dirty and taking care of my plants. It was worth the sunburn, dirty fingernails, and occasional ninja attack by mutant sized spiders. I was so devoted to my garden that every day (without fail) I would hand pick the little caterpillars that would (also without fail) infest my brocolli plants every year. I didn't feel like using pesticides and I didn't really mind getting covered in dead caterpillar (see, I'd squash them with my fingers instead of just tossing them across the yard). I also liked how this little toad always moved in and lived in my cucumbers every summer. My sister named him Sanchez, and he not only befriended she and I, but the little girl down the street asks about him now and then, too.
I should look into whether there's a community garden space near my house here. I doubt there is.
I'm also going to apply for summer jobs related to gardening. It'd be good for my resume` and I need something to do and it could be a good surrogate for my garden back home. My professor told me that I should look into being in charge of watering the plants around the capitol building. God would I love that.
11 March 2007
I've got the FEVER
Spring fever, that is.
Every year, when Wisconsin finally loosens her death grip on the elements and warms up, when the ice and snow begins to thaw, when the critters wake up (I've already seen a wasp and a lady bug, both moving VERY slowly, but still), when you can start to smell the earth, and when you look out over the lake at the ice fishermen and say to yourself "Hmmm....not the best idea, guys," that's when I get....
....shall we say, amorous?
It makes me crazy.
When I'm riding on the bus, I have fantasies about kissing some random boy on the cheek just before getting off at my stop, then walking away laughing to myself for having confused (or frightened?) him. I have the same fantasy about the elevator in the Humanities Building.
I want to hug 7 out of 10 classmates, simply because they're there and I feel good (and they're boys).
I want to put on a cotton skirt and "accidentally" walk over an air vent on the sidewalk to show off my new cute panties.
I want to wink at a random boy on the sidewalk.
I wanna get my hair played with.
I wanna play with someone else's hair.
I wanna take a nap...ON you!
I wanna wear my "nice ass" pants every day of the week.
I want to let everyone know exactly how cute my bra is. And buy tons more like it.
IN CONCLUSION:
Ladies, I'm sorry for staring at your boyfriends. They look good.
Gentlemen....how you doin'?
Every year, when Wisconsin finally loosens her death grip on the elements and warms up, when the ice and snow begins to thaw, when the critters wake up (I've already seen a wasp and a lady bug, both moving VERY slowly, but still), when you can start to smell the earth, and when you look out over the lake at the ice fishermen and say to yourself "Hmmm....not the best idea, guys," that's when I get....
....shall we say, amorous?
It makes me crazy.
When I'm riding on the bus, I have fantasies about kissing some random boy on the cheek just before getting off at my stop, then walking away laughing to myself for having confused (or frightened?) him. I have the same fantasy about the elevator in the Humanities Building.
I want to hug 7 out of 10 classmates, simply because they're there and I feel good (and they're boys).
I want to put on a cotton skirt and "accidentally" walk over an air vent on the sidewalk to show off my new cute panties.
I want to wink at a random boy on the sidewalk.
I wanna get my hair played with.
I wanna play with someone else's hair.
I wanna take a nap...ON you!
I wanna wear my "nice ass" pants every day of the week.
I want to let everyone know exactly how cute my bra is. And buy tons more like it.
IN CONCLUSION:
Ladies, I'm sorry for staring at your boyfriends. They look good.
Gentlemen....how you doin'?
06 March 2007
A Matter of Some Importance:
What the shit is "business casual"?!
I have until Friday at 1:30 to a)figure this out and b)make it happen.
I have until Friday at 1:30 to a)figure this out and b)make it happen.
04 March 2007
Getting Drunk...Later?
I think it's been weeks since I've had enough alcohol to get drunk off of. And ya know what? I don't really care.
I honestly haven't genuinely felt like getting hammered in a long time. I've had the occasional beer after dinner or in the shower, but haven't even felt like doing that lately.
I guess there are several reasons for this.
First, some things just come in waves. There was a stretch where I was all for getting wasted every weekend, but it just kind of wore off. When it'll come around again, I have no idea. There was also a stretch where I was having one beer a day, just for the hell of it (usually in the shower). That got old. I don't need or want it that often, anyway.
Second, I feel good enough as it is without the alcohol. Seriously, I don't think people understand how good I feel ALL the time. Nothing fantastic or special even needs to happen, I just enjoy life as it is. I don't understand how some people don't/can't feel good without drinking, and actually feel bad for them. Look around once, and for every thing that's bad that you see or for every reason you feel crappy, I can show you at least three reasons why you should forget about it and feel as good as I do. If you can't see how beautiful the things around you are, you're missing out. (PS. I'd be more than happy to show you all the gorgeous things around you if you can't see them.)
Third, beer is pretty bad for you. I haven't got any trace of a beer belly yet, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Fourth, I have an uncle who I met only once when I was a baby. He died in January, and no one knew (including his daughter) until a month later. He had had no contact with any member of his family in more than 20 years and was a hardcore alcoholic and it has been assumed (though not confirmed) that he drank himself to death. I found out just before this that alcoholism happens to run in both sides of my family. Even though neither of my parents drink, it's something I'm going to keep in mind.
Fifth, I'm not sure which I enjoy doing more: thoroughly sampling and tasting a new beer, or rocking out with an old favorite. Having a lot of a beer you enjoy has it's perks, but tasting a new beer is also pretty fun. And I can't go on a beer-tasting marathon. After two, I get buzzed enough that I can't properly focus on the complexity of the flavors and also the flavor starts all mushing together. And any drinker knows that you can't taste anything at the end of a whole night of drinking so it's not even worth trying at that point. If I can't sample a new beer right, I'd rather not waste my time (and the beer).
Sixth, I feel more like partying and drinking when I have a lot of energy, as opposed to wanting to drink after being tired and over-worked. Some people feel the opposite and want to go out BECAUSE they're tired and over-worked. Not me. Getting a tired body drunk is asking for trouble. And this past week I spent more than 30 hours working in the studio, not counting the 18 or so hours of class time spent in the same studio. I got home no earlier than 2am on any day of the week (except wednesday), and stayed at the studio so long one night that I was able to take the very first bus of the day home. That was at 5:30 in the morning. Needless to say, I needed good sober rest (and I got it...15 hours worth, feels damn good), not to stagger around.
Also worth noting is the fact that I was presented with no fewer than SIX opportunities to go out and drink from Thursday to Saturday, and didn't go for any of them. One of them even had free beer all night! That says something about how motivated I am to drink these days. However, it feels awesome to have been invited to those six events. It's good to have options. Hahaha.
I honestly haven't genuinely felt like getting hammered in a long time. I've had the occasional beer after dinner or in the shower, but haven't even felt like doing that lately.
I guess there are several reasons for this.
First, some things just come in waves. There was a stretch where I was all for getting wasted every weekend, but it just kind of wore off. When it'll come around again, I have no idea. There was also a stretch where I was having one beer a day, just for the hell of it (usually in the shower). That got old. I don't need or want it that often, anyway.
Second, I feel good enough as it is without the alcohol. Seriously, I don't think people understand how good I feel ALL the time. Nothing fantastic or special even needs to happen, I just enjoy life as it is. I don't understand how some people don't/can't feel good without drinking, and actually feel bad for them. Look around once, and for every thing that's bad that you see or for every reason you feel crappy, I can show you at least three reasons why you should forget about it and feel as good as I do. If you can't see how beautiful the things around you are, you're missing out. (PS. I'd be more than happy to show you all the gorgeous things around you if you can't see them.)
Third, beer is pretty bad for you. I haven't got any trace of a beer belly yet, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Fourth, I have an uncle who I met only once when I was a baby. He died in January, and no one knew (including his daughter) until a month later. He had had no contact with any member of his family in more than 20 years and was a hardcore alcoholic and it has been assumed (though not confirmed) that he drank himself to death. I found out just before this that alcoholism happens to run in both sides of my family. Even though neither of my parents drink, it's something I'm going to keep in mind.
Fifth, I'm not sure which I enjoy doing more: thoroughly sampling and tasting a new beer, or rocking out with an old favorite. Having a lot of a beer you enjoy has it's perks, but tasting a new beer is also pretty fun. And I can't go on a beer-tasting marathon. After two, I get buzzed enough that I can't properly focus on the complexity of the flavors and also the flavor starts all mushing together. And any drinker knows that you can't taste anything at the end of a whole night of drinking so it's not even worth trying at that point. If I can't sample a new beer right, I'd rather not waste my time (and the beer).
Sixth, I feel more like partying and drinking when I have a lot of energy, as opposed to wanting to drink after being tired and over-worked. Some people feel the opposite and want to go out BECAUSE they're tired and over-worked. Not me. Getting a tired body drunk is asking for trouble. And this past week I spent more than 30 hours working in the studio, not counting the 18 or so hours of class time spent in the same studio. I got home no earlier than 2am on any day of the week (except wednesday), and stayed at the studio so long one night that I was able to take the very first bus of the day home. That was at 5:30 in the morning. Needless to say, I needed good sober rest (and I got it...15 hours worth, feels damn good), not to stagger around.
Also worth noting is the fact that I was presented with no fewer than SIX opportunities to go out and drink from Thursday to Saturday, and didn't go for any of them. One of them even had free beer all night! That says something about how motivated I am to drink these days. However, it feels awesome to have been invited to those six events. It's good to have options. Hahaha.
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