Things I'm Thinking of Doing

1. Opening an IRA. Yay retirement!
2. Buying a new laptop...for the hell of it? Think I could sell my old one? Data transfers scare me, though. I've done little to nothing in the way of backing up any of my stuff.
3. Getting a passport. So I can...go places?
4. Trying my hand at brewing my own beer. I know it'll turn out like crap, but how cool would that be?!
5. Winking at some random boy on the bus, just to see what'd happen. (I'll tell ya what'd happen, I'd turn redder than a tomato, that's what'd happen.)
6. Jumping in the lake this summer, this time sans clothing. Tee hee hee!
7. Going to Canada. For....?
8. Getting a new fish or hermit crab.
9. Going to Chicago or Milwaukee to see an art museum and a symphony concert. (Hoping more for Chicago. They've got a fan-fucking-tastic symphony and I'd like to experience that.)
10. Getting a tattoo (DEFINITELY JOKING)
11. Joining a chamber ensemble next semester.

15 Things I Appreciate

1. My free bus pass.
2. Classical music.
3. A meal that has meat in it.
4. My financial aid (even though they make me beg).
5. My job at the grocery store.
6. My first employer from when I was 13 calling me when I'm 20 to help with inventory, because I'm a good worker.
7. Someone holding the door.
8. Being told "good night."
9. Being told "good morning."
10. A ride.
11. (your name here)
12. Warm weather.
13. Rain.
14. Random compliments.
15. My intelligence.

Adventures in Grocery Checking: You Did WHAT?

The thought processes behind these actions elude me...

1. Pulling one 20oz. soda out of a 6-pack and then wondering why a)it costs as much as a 6 pack [not for individual sale. it's written right on there. c'mon] and b)i'm looking at you like you're stupid.

2. Leaving a warm, filled baby's diaper ON THE SHELF right next to the bread. You don't want your baby's shit, neither do we.

3. Paying for your order in nothing but pennies. I have better things to do.

4. Going to the bathroom in FRONT of the toilet instead of inside it.

5. Deciding I should get fired for not remembering to ask for your wife's 30 cent coupon.

6. Taking 45 seconds to sign a credit card slip (yes, I timed her).

7. Eating a banana while shopping and then saying "Ehn...just charge me for the peel."

8. Having me spend 20 minutes helping you find an ingredient you can neither name nor describe. ("Well, what's it taste like?" "Um...it's...it's really GOOD." "Right, but is it sweet? Salty? Spicy? Creamy?" "It's really GOOD..." "Yeahhhh...")

9. Being from a distant part of the state and requesting that we start carrying the water from the spring outside your home town.

10. Finishing your order, getting out to your car, then walking all the way back in to tell me how your foot got infected a year ago. (Not making this up. This same woman uses folded newspaper shoved between her face and her glasses as dressing for an infected eye. She also hands out candy to the baggers, and won't leave until they take it.)

11. Bringing a lapdog in with you, and being confused when I say they're not allowed in a grocery store.

12. Requesting our softest office chair so that you can be more comfortable while sitting and waiting for your friend to finish her shopping.

13. Answering my "How are you?" with "Horrible. I have cancer and I'll be dead in six months." Awkwaaaaaard... (This is why I no longer ask that question, even though I'm supposed to.)

14. Snapping the stems off the regular cheap broccoli, leaving them by the other broccoli, and being upset for being charged for broccoli crowns, which lack the stems and are more expensive.

15. Bringing your daughter into the grocery store for medical advice on her severely infected thumb. Take her to the goddamn doctor, not the grocery store. SERIOUSLY. You're a horrible parent.

16. One summer the packages that our blueberries came in kept popping open, sending hundreds of blueberries rolling around the floor/belts at least once an hour for like a week. It sucked. One lady's blueberries all escaped in my lane, and I told her to leave them and not step on any. She listened (thank you!). However, the old people behind her didn't. I told them specifically to stay where they were, and not to step on any blueberries (they're easy to clean up when they're not smashed all over the place). So what do they do? They roll their cart through all the blueberries, then take baby steps through, turning a minor accident into a big mess. ULGH.

Adventures in Grocery Checking: Do The Math

Basic math skills are lacking in Sheboygan, as you can see from the following real life examples:

Me: That'll be $10.50 please.
Old Lady: But the sign says 2 for $10.
Me: ...right, they are, and there's 50 cents sales tax.
Old Lady: Well the sign didn't say that.
Me: Laundry detergent isn't food, so it's taxed.
Old Lady: The sign didn't say that.

Me: And $20.81 please.
Woman: Can I write a check for over?
Me: Yep. Up to $30 more.
Woman: I only want $10, so how much would that be then? 20.81 plus 10...what would that be?

Me: Your total is $24.13.
Woman: *to self* Hmm...so that'd be about 50 then, right?
Me: You need cash back?
Woman: Yeah, I only want $5 back so how much would I write it for? $50?
Me: ...No, you'd write it for $29.13.
Woman: Oh.

Me: How many donuts are in here?
Woman: I don't know. One of them has peanuts, though.

Woman: These are supposed to be half off. Ring them up and tell me how much they are.
Me: They're two dollars a piece, down from 5.
Woman: So they're not half off then.
Me: They're more than half off.
Woman: I don't want them then. Put them back.

Man: I've got a coupon for these things, but they're on sale too. Can I get both discounts?
Me: *examines coupons* No, because the value of the coupon would give you a negative total after the sale. I'll just use the coupon because you'll save more that way though.
Man: No, I came here for the sale price. Give me the coupon back. I'll use it some other time.

Me: Alright, your total is $2.25.
Man: *hands me a coupon for a free whatever-he-bought*
Me: *scans coupon, enters -2.25 in the register, giving him a $0.00 balance*
Man: That coupon says "maximum value $4.50" on it.
Me: Right, but the value of your purchase was only $2.25. That just means that had the stuff cost you $4.50, you could still get it for free, but it was cheaper than that.
Man: It SAYS maximum value $4.50!
Me: You're still getting it for free.
Man: THAT COUPON IS GOOD FOR $4.50!!!
Me: Yes, I know, but you only spent $2.25.
Man: I don't want it then. Put it all back and give me my coupon. This is bullshit.

On Chocolate

1. It's "cocoa," not "cacao" you pompus jackasses. You're not fooling me so just knock it off. It's the same ingredient and I know it.
2. Percent cocoa content isn't the end all, be all criteria for good chocolate. It's HOW you make it.
3. Hershey's doesn't really count as chocolate. Neither do m&m's.
4. Dove 60% Cacao Citrus Spice Dark Chocolate is SHIT. It actually hurts to eat it. And they think they're fancy by spelling it cacao.
5. Lindt Excellence 70% Cocoa Extra Fine Dark Chocolate is divine. And they have the brains to say cocoa.
6. A Nestle` milk chocolate bar beats a Hershey's any day (yes, they make something other than a Crunch bar).
7. Eating chocolate chips out of the bag is just gross.
8. Never mix your own chocolate milk. Nesquick is nasty. Just buy the thick stuff in the jug.