An Open Letter

To the swarm of bugs outside my window:

You have officially worn out the welcome that you never had. Your habit of flying in here, pissing me off for a few hours, and dying on my keyboard when I sleep wasn't funny the first time and it certainly isn't now.

While I thank you for not being of the biting variety, the gap between the screen door and the door frame was NOT designed as a point of entry for you. It's simply my landlords being lazy.

Furthermore, what was up with the woodstock-esque scene around the garbage this afternoon? I half expected the lot of you to sacrafice a goat or something. (Although, were you to sacrafice the cat, you MIGHT win my affections.)

In conclusion, it's time for you to leave. I will continue to squash you one-by-one with my pack of post-it notes until this message becomes clear to you.

(Anything but) Love,
Catherine