On Apologies

Something I've learned to do just in the last few years is to properly apologize for things. We were always forced to in day care, but they never meant anything and the lesson didn't stick. I remember, though that one of my friends "got it" as early as first grade.

This girl had no reservations about walking straight up to me after we'd been fighting and simply say "I'm sorry" and then we'd hug and that'd be the end of it. I did the same a few times but after she moved I didn't really keep it up.

It always kind of felt demeaning, like apologizing for something meant that you were crawling up to someone with your tail between your legs and begging their imperial forgiveness. Admitting that you were wrong is difficult.

In high school people seemed to just get over things or not, and apologies were hardly ever offered for anything or anyone.

Then I got to college and started noticing that some people would own up to having been hurtful or inappropriate or assholes in general and would walk up to someone, of their own accord, and say they were sorry for whatever it was they had done. I immediately respected these people 10 times more than I had before. And I also noticed that no one was jerks about being apologized to. No "yeah you BETTER be sorry," no "go fuck yourself," or anything like that. And the people doing the apologizing didn't seem as embarassed as I remember being when forced to apologize in day care.

So I tried it later, after having screwed up one way or another, and although I was pretty nervous, it felt damn good when I was done. Turns out apologies are 100% appreciated.

It feels good to have someone acknowledge that they did something they shouldn't have and that they didn't mean to hurt anyone and they truly do feel badly about it.

And it's funny how only certain types of apologies have this effect. For example, "Sorry" on it's own is pretty casual and doesn't mean a whole lot. "I'm sorry" is more serious and means a lot, and "I'm sorry for ______" is the best.

Anyway, what I've learned is that apologizing properly for things is:
1. NECESSARY
2. Appreciated
3. Easy
4. Required for me to consider someone an adult