Laying Some Ground Rules

I've been in this ridiculous apartment for four and a half months now, and apparently I come from another planet because there are certain things that I feel are punishable offenses which don't seem to bother my other roommates.

Let me lay it out for you, ladies.

1. Changing the toilet paper roll will not cause brain damage. I PROMISE. Also, what the hell is wrong with you? The bathroom is so small that you can literally get a new roll and throw out the old one without actually lifting your ass of the seat. So DO IT already.

2. Opening a Guinness, drinking half, putting it back in the fridge, and then drinking a little more the next day, and putting it back in the fridge once again is an insult to the brewer and a crime against humanity. If you can't handle the stuff, leave it to me. I'll take care of it. Just please, stop ruining beer when I'm around. You wanna ruin a beer, grab a Miller Lite.

3. Also on the subject of beer: it goes bad. It's in its nature. Therefore, you MUST drink it within eight weeks of buying it. After that, I no longer consider it fresh. So don't insult my palatte by even drinking stale (and cheap *shudder*) beer in this house.

4. Get your damn cat spayed. Next time she goes into heat and keeps us all up at night with her yowling is the day I "accidentally" leave the front door open for her to "accidentally" escape from.

5. Stop buying plain-ass bran flakes. Those are for old people who have colon issues, not 20 year old women. Furthermore, stop buying bran flakes and then eating the tasty stuff that I buy. Not cool.

6. On the horrid subject of dishes: I admit fully that I suck for not doing them by myself. However, I have made it very clear that I would be more than willing to help you guys when you've started to do a load. That said, stop doing ALL the dishes and then complaining that I didn't help. I can't see you doing the dishes on the second floor when I'm in my room on the third floor. So call me downstairs! Duh!

7. Keeping maple syrup in the refrigerator makes no sense to me. This is a kind of trivial thing, I know, but why would you keep something that you put on hot food (pancakes/waffles) in a cold place? It just makes the pancakes/waffles cold when you put it on! And it coagulates in the fridge. Gross.

And that's my rant.